


A Lesson in Multiplication

by Eilera



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexual Pidge | Katie Holt, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Bad guys don't know how to deal with this crap, But also not really what you would expect, Gen, Humor, Sex Pollen, Team as Family, but not in the way you would expect, i love this fandom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-15
Updated: 2018-01-15
Packaged: 2019-03-05 00:42:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13376493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eilera/pseuds/Eilera
Summary: When a bounty hunter captures the paladins, he decides to test out some sex pollen on them to pass the time.He is not prepared for the results.





	A Lesson in Multiplication

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first foray into this fandom. I hope I don't disappoint. 
> 
> I've been wanting to write a fic involving an asexual person in a sex pollen fic...so here we are. I am asexual myself, but it can differ from person to person so please don't take this as an exact representation of all asexuals. 
> 
> As usual, special thanks to my bestie Deathbystorm for beta'ing this fic.

Brexel surveyed his captives. The paladins had been separated into five different cells, each one partitioned by thick, impact-resistant windows. They were unconscious and sprawled out in varying awkward positions. Brexel puffed out his chest proudly, his mandibles clicking softly in anticipation. The life of a bounty hunter was often difficult and lonely. He was on his own against the universe. A lone wolf.

 

Okay, a lone wolf tethered to an empire led by a ruthless conqueror.

 

It wasn't so bad, working for Zarkon. It was much more exciting than following in his father's footsteps and becoming an accountant. He was mostly left to his own devices and they even sometimes sent him some interesting equipment to experiment with. He was particularly excited to try this one out. Zarkon said he wanted the paladins alive. He didn't say he couldn't have some fun before turning them over.

 

And really, these humans didn't look so scary. They didn't even have claws. Or a strong carapace to protect their torsos. How did they get by with such squishy bodies? Sure, that tall one had a metal arm but a simple magnet meant he wasn't going to moving anywhere. Brexel remembered seeing it in action at the gladiator pits. He'd have to be careful with The Champion, but with the other paladins here he should be easy enough to control.

 

Speaking of which, they were waking up. Brexel's mandibles clicked together and he rocked back and forth on his toes excitedly.

 

The yellow one was the first to open his eyes, groaning as he reached up towards his head, knocking his bandana askew. He pulled himself into a sitting position, looking around in a daze. In contrast, The Champion was up on his feet almost immediately, taking in his surroundings with narrowed eyes. The magnet made it difficult for him to move far and he gave a frustrated yank on his metal arm.

 

Blue and Red woke up around the same time. The red one jumped to his feet, same as The Champion and started to prowl around his cell, glaring daggers at Brexel whereas the blue one seemed disinclined to get up, just groaning and stretching and...was he asking for another five minutes?

 

Finally, the green one stirred quietly, blinking at the ceiling in confusion for a moment before sitting up quickly.

 

“Welcome, paladins!” Brexel called cheerfully, spreading his four arms open in greeting. “I hope yo-”

 

“Guys? Have we been captured again?” The blue one interrupted, rolling over in his cell to knock on the glass separating him from green.

 

Brexel frowned. “Um, excuse m-”

 

“We didn't even make it a week, you guys. This is kind of sad.” Yellow crossed his arms over his chest.

 

Brexel's mandibles clicked furiously. Before he could even open his mouth he was cut off again.

 

“I think that means Keith wins this round. He bet we wouldn't last two weeks.” Green grinned.

 

Blue let out a loud, dramatic moan. “Pidge, don't tell him he was right!”

 

The red one frowned, confused. “But I was right.”

 

“Well, yeah, but now you'll rub it in our faces.”

 

“No, that's what _you_ would do.”

 

“I would _never-_ ”

 

“Enough.” The Champion commanded. He didn't yell, but his tone demanded obedience. Even Brexel felt his spine straighten at that tone. The other paladin's mouths clamped shut, they all looked a little chagrined. The Champion turned his gaze onto Brexel, and the bounty hunter felt a chill run down his spine. Even “chained” he still radiated danger.

 

Brexel cleared his throat, mandibles clicking nervously. “W-welcome, paladins!”

 

The five humans stared at him in silence, looking unimpressed.

 

“I am Brexel, scourge of the galaxy. You may call me...” He paused, spinning dramatically so his cloak fluttered behind him. “Brexel.”

 

“Ah, wait, wait, wait. Aren't you supposed to give us a moniker?” Yellow asked glancing at the others through the cell window.

 

“What?”

 

“You...you sounded like you were going to- you know what? I don't care. Why are we listening to this?”

 

“You were listening to him? I zoned out after 'welcome'.” Blue stuck his pinky in his ear, twisting it. “Let's just get out of here before Allura gets mad.”

 

“She wouldn't have to get mad if we hadn't listened to you and gone to explore this junk heap of a ship.” Red growled, turning his glare on Blue.

 

Brexel's eye twitched. Not again.

 

Blue squawked indignantly, jumping up to his feet to point accusingly at Red. “ _You're_ the one that ran ahead-”

 

“Guys, stop fighting.” Green rolled her eyes. She was feeling the walls around her cell in what Brexel assumed was an attempt to find an opening.

 

“Well _I_ thought I heard something coming and was trying to protect everyone.” Red snarled, moving towards the window separating him from Blue.

 

Brexel's shoulders slumped. This was not how he had pictured this going. He expected them to cower before his might. Maybe even cry or something. Beg for mercy. Not this, this-

 

“Oh yeah, here comes Keith the big bad hero. C'mon Hunk, back me up here.” Blue glanced imploringly at Yellow.

 

“Oh no, I am not getting tangled up in this.” Yellow held up his hands in defence.

 

“Uh, excuse me?” Brexel tried, holding up his two right arms. “I'm trying to intimidate you here.”

 

“Hunk!? Why are you betraying me like this? I thought we were pals?”

 

Brexel glanced at The Champion, a look of desperation in his eyes.

 

The man shrugged, the movement slightly awkward due to the magnet trapping his arm. His face was stoic but his eyes seemed to be sparkling with amusement.

 

“Of course you try to pull Hunk into this.” Red was glaring some more. It seemed to be his default look.

 

“Don't you try-”

 

“SEX POLLEN!!” Brexel screamed, his face red with rage.

 

All five paladins paused, staring at Brexel with wide eyes.

 

“I...I have sex pollen.” Brexel whispered, mandibles clacking nervously.

 

“....Did he say sex pollen?” Green asked, looking at the others.

 

“There's no way he said sex pollen.” Yellow muttered, face red.

 

“I'm pretty sure he said sex pollen.” The Champion said, looking pained.

 

Blue was looking Brexel up and down with a strange look of horrified fascination on his face. “Are you saying you can produce sex pollen?”

 

“What!? No!” Brexel yelled, despair welling up inside him. This was all going so horribly, horribly wrong.

 

“That's revolting.” Red's nose was scrunched up in disgust.

 

“You're not-” Brexel started, but-

 

“Is it...biological?” Green asked, glasses glinting in intrigue.

 

“I am NOT secreting sex pollen, I just said that I have some!” Brexel shrieked, stomping his foot furiously.

 

Green sighed, stepping away from the window. “I shouldn't be disappointed by that, but I am.”

 

“Guys, don't make fun of him. It's not his fault he can't secrete sex pollen.” Yellow scolded.

 

“I. Don't. Secrete. Sex. Pollen.” Brexel ground out, glaring at the paladins. Did Zarkon really want them alive? Surely he would understand...

 

No. He wouldn't get full payment if they were dead.

 

“It's OK if you have a disability. We don't judge.” Blue was looking at Brexel with pity.

 

Was the money really worth this?

 

Brexel shook his head and flared his cloak dramatically. “Enough of this nonsense, paladins! I am taking you to Zarkon and I will get my money's worth from you. But it's a long stretch of travel from here to his lordship so in the meantime...let's have some fun.” He tried to look dangerous. He’d even practised his expression in the mirror, but the paladins just looked confused.

 

“Is he seriously saying he wants to play a game right now?” Red asked.

 

Breathe in, Brexel. Just think of the money.

 

“This sex pollen was gifted to me by Zarkon to test on my captives. I'm going to test it on you. It will multiply your sexual attraction by thousands towards whoever touches you first! You will be begging for it, once I use it on you. So, who wants to go first?”

 

The paladins glanced at each other.

 

“Did you say 'multiplies'?” The Champion asked.

  
“That's right. Multiplies by _thousands_!” Brexel cackled.

 

The paladins were silent for a moment.

 

“Oh no, please don't use it on me.” The green one pleaded. Her eyes were big and round, though her tone was slightly monotonous.

 

“Oh nooooooo, don't use it on Pidge!” Blue gasped, hands clasped to his chest. “I can't stand the thought!”

 

“No, you leave Pidge alone!” The Champion frowned, tugging on his arm.

 

Red was looking confused. He opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted by a loud wail from Yellow.

 

“Pidge! Try and be strong! We'll save you!”

 

Brexel sighed in satisfaction. Finally, things were going as he expected. He could almost feel them shaking in fear. The blue one was shaking so much he almost looked like he was holding back laughter.

 

“As punishment for the humiliation you've given me since you opened your mouths, I am going to start with the green one you call Pidge!” Brexel threw back his head and laughed maniacally, but he let it go too long and it petered out into a cough. He had to take a moment to drink a glass of water before he wrapped his cloak around himself diabolically and pressed a button outside of the green one's cell.

 

Immediately, a pink dust began go enter her cell and quickly filled up the tiny room with it's bright sparkles.

 

“Oh no.” The green one cried. She let herself fall to her knees and threw the back of her hand onto her forehead. “Whatever will I do?”

 

“Don't bother trying to fight it. There is no escape!” Brexel watched in satisfaction as the ship's vacuums sucked out the last bit of the pollen. The human was laying on the floor, calm and pliant. Just the way he liked it.

 

“And now, paladins, you will have to suffer and watch as I take this puny human right in front of you. You will be helpless as she begs for me to satiate her needs!”

 

“Oh no. Have mercy on us.” The Champion didn't sound too scared, but maybe he was just in shock.

 

“Piiiiiiddggggeeeee!!!!!” Blue sobbed, tears streaming down his face. He still kind of looked like he was laughing, but Brexel chocked it up to strange human behaviours.

 

Stalking up to the green cell, Brexel input the code to open the door, mandibles clicking in anticipation. He hadn't had someone to lay with for months. He was going to enjoy this.

 

The door opened with a pneumatic hiss and Brexel swept into the room, cloak flowing behind him. He grabbed the girl by her wrist, hauling her up to her feet. She stayed quiet and made no move towards him when he let her go.

 

“Please.” She whispered softly, her eyes covered by her bangs.

 

“Of course, I'll take care of you.” Brexel grinned turning his back on her and motioning her to follow him. “Right this-”

 

Brexel stumbled forward as something jumped onto his back, bringing his cloak up around his head and blinding him. The weight on his back proceeded to pummel him mercilessly before jumping off his back and leaving him disoriented. There was a kick to the back of his legs, causing his knees to buckle and he crashed to floor. He struggled to remove his cloak from around his head, his four arms flailing in confusion.

 

Just as he managed to pull off his cloak, he heard a pneumatic hiss as the door closed and locked him inside. The green paladin stood on the outside, a smug grin on her face.

 

“What? How?” Brexel stuttered, moving up to the window. “Zarkon assured me this pollen would work on humans!”

 

“Oh, I'm sure it does.” Green smirked. “Except that anything multiplied by zero still equals zero.”

 

Brexel was confused.

 

“Pidge doesn't feel sexual attraction. If there is no attraction in the first place, then there is nothing to multiply it by.” The Champion explained. He looked so proud of the green paladin.

 

“Wait. None at all?” Brexel was shocked.

 

“Nope. So stick that in the suck it bucket.” Green stuck her tongue out at him before proceeding to release her fellow paladins.

 

As he watched the paladins leave, Brexel wondered how his life had turned into this. He should have just stayed at home and become an accountant.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Please feel free to talk to me about Voltron on [Tumblr](http://eilera-chan.tumblr.com/). :)


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